14 and Full of Himself

Alex turned 14 on the 15th. What can I say about Alex...hmmm. Here's 10 things:

1. He is handsome (that smile alone is enough to make you fall in love with him--it did cost us 10G's so it better).

2. He is kind and well-mannered. Never once have I heard from anyone that he was mean spirited or that he's picked on anyone, or shown any kind of disrespect. We sometimes get notes from school teachers telling us how much they enjoy having him in their class.

3. He's gentle. He'd be so mad at me for saying this. The way he "wrestles" with Isaac and gives of his time to his little brother is so awesome for me to see. Little children have always been drawn to him. He's a big ball of fun that all the neighborhood boys want to play with (young and old) and a great roll model for his siblings.

4. He knows what's right. Sometimes, as many teenagers do, he challenges what we "tell him" to be right. But left to his own devices he comes around to the same conclusion without much help from us.

5. He loves sports. Duh. He's coming alive now that baseball has officially started. How I love watching him play. He has an awesome head for the game (not to mention skills).

6. Alex is responsible. I very rarely have to get after him to get his homework done. He's self-motivated and tries his hardest to get the best possible grade. He doesn't like to miss school and he is excelling in piano like crazy.

7. He is gracious. If anyone does anything for him he never lets it go unnoticed. He is thankful for what he has and talks about it all the time.

8. He's funny. Alex and I have the same personality and same sense of humor. We can make each other laugh pretty easily. It's good until we use it against people and gang up on them...sorry Martin.

9. He has awesome taste in music, thanks to me. Thank heaven he doesn't go out for country like his sister,the turn-coat has done (thanks Aunt Mindy). We still love ya, Liv.

10. When Alex was born he quickly became my best friend. Martin was at work and school and the lab all the time and I was so glad to have a little buddy. We obviously did everything together and I loved those fun days of our early family. Once we moved to Seattle I leaned on his little 2 year old body a lot. I'm so glad to say he is still my best buddy!

I love you, Alex! Happy Birthday to the coolest kid around!

2 Years and Counting

It's been 2 years since my sister, Jen passed away from Brain Cancer. It's amazing how time flies. It's officially the longest time that I've gone without seeing her. Her mission was a mere 18 months and that seemed like an eternity!

It's like my sister Mindy said in her blog, I find myself talking, laughing, arguing, and thinking like she did. I think that's part of the way we keep her alive with us. We take on traits of hers that we miss. I'll never be as wickedly funny or argumentative as she was and I'll never be as smart but I like to think I'm getting closer.

So what does it feel like to lose someone so close to you? How does it feel after 2 years? The answer is the same. It hurts, and hurts, and hurts. Sometimes I think I'm fine and then something hits me like a brick wall and stops me in my tracks. Like the other day I dropped Isaac off at school. I watched him walk from the car toward the school, hopping a little, skipping some, and yes, dragging his feet A LOT (that's Isaac). I watched him as he disappeared behind the wall and it hit me in my chest and took my breath away. I love watching him walk on his own, and move on in life. Jen won't have that the same way. Erin (Jenny's oldest) starts Kindergarten next year and Jen will miss it. She'll miss getting her ready for school and picking her up as she gets off the bus. It's so hard to think of that. It's something that brings a mother such joy.

A little over 2 years ago when Jen found out she was taking a turn for the worse and not responding to the chemo, it was early August and we all were in the throws of the "back to school": buying school clothes, and supplies, finding out teachers, etc.. I remember her getting really quiet and saying this was the kind of thing she'd miss the most. I know Erin is okay. She has my Mom and my Sister, Mindy there to pick her up and they'll do an awesome job of it, but for Jenny, I'm sad. I like to think she's going to be there anyway. Maybe she will be.

I love Imogen Heap. I love the words to almost all of her songs and I can put myself in her frame of mind and totally get what she's talking about, unlike any other singer I know. Jenny liked her as well. I came across a song of hers that just hit and stuck with me. The words totally convey my thoughts about life without my sister. The song's called "Wait it Out" and some of the words are here:

Where do we go from here?
How do we carry on?
I can't get beyond the questions.
Clambering for the scraps
In the shatter of us collapsed.
That cuts me with every could-have-been.

Pain on pain on play, repeating
With the backup makeshift life in waiting.

Everybody says:
"Time heals everything."
But what of the wretched hollow?
The endless in-between?
Are we just going to wait it out?

I know Jen would never want us to stop living our lives. I know our family will all see her again. I'll hold her hand and she'll look at me and smile. It seems like it's too hard to wait. It seems impossible even, but I just take a day at a time, a week at a time, a year at a time. That's the best I can do; take it a day at a time and enjoy every minute with my kids and Martin and our family and friends. She'd want that. I think she expects it and will be disappointed in me if I don't. So we all do our best. I hope it's enough, Jen. I miss and love you.

If you want to hear the song click on this: http://www.lala.com/#album/504684635190075022
and click on "Wait it Out"

Mid-Winter Break

The kids got out of school for our annual Mid-Winter Break. I know you all in Utah think that's the funniest name. It is what it is...a stupid break in the middle of the year, around no apparent super-holiday and another reason they drag out school until the end of June. I pretty much hate mid-winter break. The idea of it makes me cry myself to sleep at night. I mean, it's just another holiday in which I have to occupy 3 children who are already ticked off that they aren't going to Hawaii, the Bahamas or Disneyland "like all my other friends." Ugh.

I was sick the whole week. Yep, I woke up Sunday morning with the beginnings of a cold and by Monday, the first official day of the break, I was in the throws of an energy-zapping, nausea-inducing, sore throat week of fun! My poor kids were so nice to me and took such great care of me. They cleaned the house every morning and did pretty much whatever I asked them to. Also, thank the kind Lord for X-Box and TV. They mostly just let me read. What great kids!

On Friday afternoon I promised to take Olivia and Isaac to the park because the weather was beautiful and frankly, they tricked me into it. Here are some pictures of Friday. Alex was at a winter camp out thus, his absence.

We also ended up going back to the park on Saturday where Martin and Alex got to get some of their game on and Livi got to swing...some more.

Valentines Day is a Happy Day

I heart Valentine's Day. Martin is a romantic and very sweet, especially on Valentine's Day. He has been so disgustingly busy at work these past months that he was feeling guilty that he didn't have time to do anything "special" for Valentines Day. This, apparently, doesn't count for the fact that he got me roses and chocolates, took me out Friday night to dinner and a movie, and plans to take me out to a comedy club this Wednesday, to make up for his lack of attention this week (whatever). I keep telling him that I am not feeling neglected and that he in no way has to "make up" for anything. I don't know what's wrong with him. I mean, what would he do if he was "paying attention to me?" Parade me around on a white horse with a tiara???? Not my style.

I'm not telling you all this so that you will be jealous of me (sorry ladies, my man can deliver). I just want Martin to read this and know that I'm really okay with all the work he's doing and even though he's feeling like he is ignoring me, I understand that his work schedule is crazy right now. So just work hard, babe, and give it your typical 110%! You're going to blow everyone away this year!

Olivia and Martin went to the annual Father/daughter Valentine's dance. They've gone almost every year since Livi was in first grade and they have some great memories. This is her last year to go. 5th grade is the end of the line. Martin was a little bit nervous because O-Daughter-of-Mine usually drags Martin to the dance, waves to a few friends, sits at a table far from the crowd and stares into the distance and flat out refuses to dance or mingle at all. Although that has it's own appeal, Martin insisted Livi promise she would dance this year. She agreed (albeit not too happily).

In my post-dance interview of the couple, Martin indicated that Olivia was like a "whole new girl" this year. Apparently, there was much talking with friends, dancing, mingling and all out-and-out 11-year old frolicking. I'm glad to report Livi got her dance groove on this year and even slow danced with her father. Martin said that he hung out with the dads and talked until the girls required a partner, in which case, the girls would run back to the table to grab their dads and dance with them until the song ended. Then the girls excused their dads to return their table until they were further needed. Luckily, Martin likes the other fathers and they got along great! Funny! I think they both enjoyed the night!

(Livi's hairstlye. She insisted I post it. It's her official new favorite. She's getting too old! Sad)

Christmas and Infertility

Many of you may know that Martin and I have been trying to have a baby for almost 2 years now. It's weird because the other 4 times I've been pregnant literally took less than 2 months. Well, let's just say it's not cool when you feel like you should be doing something (like having a baby) and the Lord (or your body) keeps you waiting and waiting. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to learn from this. I think it may be patience and empathy. I guess things happen on the Lord's timeline, not mine, something I'm learning as it feels I'm being dragged through the months.

I haven't blogged for a while because I got a new camera for Christmas (it's awesome, people) and all my pictures are on there and I'm entirely too lazy to figure out how all that works. I'd rather sit here and watch Criminal Minds for hours on end while I feel like my ovaries are playing ping-pong with my uterus. Sorry for being so graphic, but the drugs I'm on should qualify for torture.

We had a completely awesome Christmas. It was spent here in Seattle and for the first time not in Utah. It was unexpectedly pleasant. I didn't have to pack all our clothes + presents and that was nice. The kids had a great time and got every little thing their hearts desired, and we have the bank statement to prove it. We thought we'd really go all out this year since we didn't have to limit the size of gifts like we usually do (our car is seriously small in the travel aspect). Here's where I share something with you: my kids are spoiled....in a not "I get everything I want" or "get me this or I'll cry" sort of way, but in a good way--whatever that means.

(How the boys spent the entire week of Christmas....playing Wii and X-box)

Martin surprised us with a little trip to Grand Mound, WA (I know it sounds really exotic), which houses the largest indoor water park in the northwest, the day after Christmas. It's called the Great Wolf Lodge and it's like a kids mecca. Pretty cool water park with the gnarliest water slide I have ever been on called the Tornado. It literally drops you into a 5 story funnel while you're sitting in a tube and you just hope you don't fall out and/or hurl. Believe me, one time on that thing and I thought I was going to meet my maker. It was totally AWESOME. The kids refused to ride it, of course, but we had fun anyway. Isaac loved walking across these little lily pads while hanging on to the rope suspended above him. He could barely do it because he was laughing so hard. Everyone thought he was pretty adorable, and rightly so. Alex spent most of his time playing pool basketball (I know that is a huge departure from his usual MO), and Olivia liked the non-stop cotton candy and pretzels. They also had a fun game you can play in the hotel with "magic wands" that takes hours and wears the kids out nicely with a ton of stair climbing.

Oh, and it snowed in the lobby, no lying.

We missed our families a lot this Christmas. It was somewhat lonely, but we enjoyed each other more I think. We aren't sure where we'll be for Christmas next year, as Alex has informed us that he will be requiring snow, and Livi misses her cousin Val. So we'll see what happens.

As for the infertility treatments...in a word they suck. But I'm hanging in there and learning a lot of things I'm capable of and I like to think I'm getting stronger. Martin says he thinks I am but he's biased.

One more thing of note: We went to this awesome place called Sky High for a family night. It's a big warehouse with trampolines all across the floors and walls. It's like a childhood dream of mine. I was happy to show off to my kiddos as I did back flips and back hand springs for their entertainment and enjoyment. Yes friends, I still got it.

*Admission: I tried to do a double back hand spring (got a little cocky) and landed on my neck which I had to go to the ER for. Don't worry I just strained my trapezius and I'm fine again. Guess I'm not as young (or tiny) as I used to be. But that ain't going to stop me from going again. I have way too much fun.

Sorry for the terrible picture. I have a video of it but I don't know how to post it...soooo.

Elegantly Eleven

Olivia turned 11 on December 11! It was her "golden" birthday, something I've never heard of before, but as I understand from Olivia, is a big deal. However, my friend Jenny says she knows exactly what Livi's talking about, so I must admit ignorance. 11 years ago Olivia came into our world. After a 6 month stint with colic I remember a little girl who was always cheerful...always happy. She was truly our "little sunshine." She added a brightness to our lives unparalleled. She was also the girliest little girl I've ever met. She didn't just walk from place to place, we used to say she "flitted," like a butterfly. She loved all things princess and all things pink. She was rarely upset or sad. She also had an incredible knack to make people smile. Her laugh was something of music. I remember pushing her in a swing at the park when she was about 2 years old and her laugh caused such a commotion that a group of people gathered around us and watched and listened as I swung her back and forth. Random people were taking her picture. She was a beautiful little girl and still is.

When she started school Olivia had found her calling, just like her Dad. She absolutely loves to learn and she loves the social opportunities school affords her. She is a great student and her teachers have never had anything negative or even mediocre to say about her. My Parent-Teacher conferences for Olivia are filled with the teacher telling me how much they love Olivia, how she is a great example to other children etc, etc. It's quite comical actually, and become a bit of a family joke...we always argue about who gets to go listen to the teacher go on about Olivia. She loves to read and has probably read more books than I have in my life (I'm now 35).

This year Olivia read the whole Harry Potter series in approximately 5 months. She also continued to take jazz dance lessons where she is the smallest girl in her class but can dance like nobody's business. She plays the piano as well and is excelling in that. I guess she has the musical talent that runs in the family (but skipped a generation!). She's constantly humming something to herself. Her artistic abilities are also incredible as are her writing abilities. We love to read her newest stories and poems.

Olivia is a great friend and loves to e-mail her friends several times a day to keep them all in the loop of what's going on in her life. She is a big sister and also a little sister. She is Isaac's pseudo-mom when I'm not around and they have a very tight relationship. She is the best big sister of anyone I've ever seen. She enjoys tormenting her older brother and can do it better than anyone on earth, and she seems to be somewhat proud of that. She continues to LOVE babies and can't get enough of her little cousins. She will someday be an amazing mommy.

I cannot imagine life without this little girl, who is not so much a little girl anymore. We have such joy because of her. I'm incredibly proud of the way she is growing up despite all my efforts! I still can't believe she's one short year away from Middle School. I anticipate great things from her...she doesn't do anything half-way. We love her so much!!